I am the Champions!

 Posted by at 7:29 pm  General, Previews
Sep 082017
 

Dateline: Palo Alto, CA. I’m in the canteen at the VA hospital waiting for work to happen. It occurred to me that not all of you race fans bother to read the message board [insert knowing look here]. Here’s a little something I wrote that I’m passing off as a race preview BUT is both important and stimulating reading*.

Plus, I’m adding bonus material unavailable on other platforms.

THE CALL FOR SMACK
Jilly’s On Smack

I’m used to people shooting their individual and collective mouths off on these message boards on all matter of horse racing related opinions. Mostly there is unimaginative name calling and elaborate attempts to explain why your foe is intellectually challenged.

But you know what I can’t remember seeing? Straight up bragging on SIM horses.

Even more rare – someone calling their shot or calling out rivals in a race.

So for the sake of the holistic wellness of our community, in a purely benevolent gesture on my part, I am going to give it to you straight. Straight fire, as it were. Truth, to your virtual face holes.

I’ll Smack You Back

I’ve entered LAYERS Click here for LAYERS! in the G1 Champion Stakes 3 million clams.

He is going to smoke your sorry behinds like a loose square I bought for fifty cents on the Red Line (Garfield station, or 63rd and Cottage Grove if you’re brave).

Smoke them like… encased meats often sold behind the bar of your neighborhood tavern. (That’s another Chicago thing – I think I’m homesick).

Smoke them like an anthropormorhic bear who wears ranger hats and encourages proper campfire management.

LAYERS may not be a “Graded winner” or “classy” or “fast” or “have simulated testicles anymore” but he’s won three in a row, has the rail, has speed, a short field, a good jockey and a confident trainer. His he-dam DONNING THE BEARD once won three straight allowances of a layoff and trainer change… following that with a G2 win in his first graded try. That looks similar to his only son’s form at the moment.

If I were you (other ‘The Champion Stakes’ trainer) I’d set my effort to .00 so you don’t waste a bullet and save something for the Breeder’s Bowl. I may be talking out of my some other place but do you really want to risk it? Take my advice and take a mulligan on this one.

‘Cause there can only be one champion on Sunday, September 10 at 3:00 PM EST in Ireland (???)

And they will be we (LAYERS and me), my friends.
Rest assured that we will keep on fighting to the end.
Cue the crescendo.

We Are The Champions (translated from howl)

* Not substantiated.

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  5 Responses to “I am the Champions!”

  1. Sad news to report:

    LAYERS suffered an irreversible cardiectomy in today’s race and will be retired. He hooked up with OUTBACK NORWOOD in a suicide duel (:23 :46 1:09 and change) and they both finished out of the money. I guess I should have set the jock instructions… not that it would have mattered. Or would it? The trainer endured a mild rectal craniotomy but is in good spirits. Trainer itch has promised to supply aforementioned homemade spirits.

    Congrats to DRAKON’S BAZOOKA for two straight G1 wins and a searingly bright future.

  2. Claimer

  3. Is it possible to have multiple personalities without different identities? If so, the voices in my head all sound pretty similar. Related at least.

    Thanks for supporting the LAYERS fan club… population 2. Unless each voice counts as a person…

  4. This is a Walter Sobchak-like attempt at intimidation, in which whatever Walter accuses the innocent of, he himself is guilty.

    I am the champions?

    What are you trying to do, rattle your opponents by convincing them you may have multiple personalities. Are you saying that you are such a magificent trainer of fake horses that you may be able to dominate your opposition with more than one personality?

    If so, I am a little shook up.

    So maybe this is working.

    GO LAYERS!!!!!!

    • Is it possible to have multiple personalities without different identities? If so, the voices in my head all sound pretty similar. Related at least.

      Thanks for supporting the LAYERS fan club… population 2. Unless each voice counts as a person…