Stars, Celebrities, Politicians and the list goes on for those that are making plans to attend the annual Breeders’ Bowl races which will be held the first weekend in November. This year the races will be held in California beginning on Friday, November 1st and concluding on Saturday, November 2nd. The long range forecast by the track’s hired meteorologist predict a 0% chance of rain for both days. Ok, and I think the Ground Hog has a better chance of predicting when winter will end and spring will begin 6 weeks ahead of when it actually occurs.
So who will be attending the event? Country Singer Kellie Pickler has not admitted that she will not be at the race track “This is the fifth year that I will not be there. What can I say? I messed up again! Last year I made travel plans to go to California and the race was held in Kentucky. So this year I made reservations to head to Kentucky and wouldn’t you know it, they hold it in California this year. I wish they would just hold the race at the track I have made my travel plans to”.
Billy Joel, through unnamed sources who did not deny that he was coming or not coming said “Yea, Billy loves the Breeders’ races and he would love to come. He’s planning to have a simulated concert in San Diego during the week and he may take his simulated limo to the race track and place some simulated wagers on the races”.
Track officials were asked if they could confirm who will be singing the National Anthem. Track officials said that it would be a surprise and could be any one of the following: Beyonce, Cher, Neil Diamond, Taylor Swift, Bruno Mars, Lionel Richie, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis, or someone else”. Ok, I think we can eliminate Elvis from the list but I would bet that no name they listed will make an appearance and I’m banking on the “someone else”.
Political figures have also announced their decisions on attending. Nancy Pelosi was definitely unclear when she did not say “I plan to watch the races from my home that is protected by a ten foot fence that surrounds my property.”
President Bush confirmed that has intents of coming by not stating “Sure, I will be there. I’ve got my tickets already and will be sitting about 50 yards before the finish line. I hope no one stands up in front of my during the race. My knees are killing me and I hate standing.”
President Clinton was asked “President Clinton, what is your decision on attending the Breeders’ Bowl races this year.” The response that wasn’t provided was very elusive “It all depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is” and continued “Is Monica going to be there?”.
Current sitting President Trump tweeted to the world his non-intentions “First off, I want everyone to know that the Black Type Bugler is real news. You can trust the BTB for providing accurate and factual information, not like the other fake news outlets. You know, the ones that make up fake news about me. I wish all my press meetings only had the news reporters from the BTB then the world will know only real news. So I will be sitting in the White House, contemplating on whether or not to paint it blue while watching the Breeders’ Bowl races from the comfort of one of the many rooms in the house where I can see real results from real simulated horses”.
Hopefully, there are some readers out there that will remember Governor Bribeme. He is currently the governor of the simulated state in New York. Recall that a few years back, when Derby Fever released a new version of the game but at the same time the number of tracks was reduced. Governor Bribeme was responsible for selling the Upstate New York racetrack for a miniscule amount of cash in what turned out to be a massive injustice as family members bought the track, build a humungous new residence that the Governor took possession of at a huge cost to build, and pennies on the dollar to sell to the Governor. At a recent press conference, the Governor spoke about global warming, however, he implied that the warming had no effect as people in the state use air conditioners when necessary. The Governor abruptly changed subject and said “In two weeks I will be flying to the state of California. I will be attending the racetrack and watching the races. I will also be looking into purchasing the race track for the state of New York. This will create a reason for a leader, such as myself, to rightfully travel from east coast to west coast to do inspections on the property that the good tax payers in New York have acquired to make sure it is operating in a fashion that all New Yorkers expect”.
Ok, looks like another layer of political corruption may be on the horizon for the simulated governor.
Moving away from the political world we have identified several celebrities and stars who have released their intentions of attending or not attending the big affair.
Charlie Sheen will be flying into the simulated race track the day before the races which was unknown to him, as he will also be attending a simulated party for high end people the evening before the races. If asked, Sheen may have said “Oh, the party is high on my plans for my trip out there. I sincerely hope to be at the races on Friday and Saturday but in all probability, I may drink a little too much and please don’t save a seat for me. Unless it is at a bar.”
Movie actor Tom Hanks, who is also known for his stint on television on Bosom Buddies is expected to be in attendance. The BTB has learned from sources that he has made reservations at a one-star hotel and is lying low to avoid the public. He is said to be going in disguise and wearing one of the womanly outfits he has retained from the Bosom Buddies sitcom. He is expected to be sitting in the grandstands in an effort to blend in with the crowd and not be recognizable.
Movie star and former professional wrestler Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson would not confirm nor deny whether he would be in attendance for the Breeders’ Bowl. The only thing he would say is that “Nobody Can Smell What The Rock is Cooking”.
The BTB located an individual that appeared to be actress Jennifer Lopez in the high end wardrobe store Roxy’s Fabrics. The BTB reporter was outside the store and noticed her through the store window. Taking this golden opportunity, the BTB reporter shouted out, asking her through the store window if she was attending the Breeders’ Bowl and after turning her back to the reporter and facing her friend, she shook her head ‘no’ and placed the garment she was holding back on the rack.
Henry Winkler, also known as the Fonzie from his television days on Happy Days was telephoned by the BTB. Reporters were randomly making calls with hopes of connecting with someone famous and since he answered the phone by saying “HHHEEEYYYYY”, it had to be Fonzie…rather, Henry Winkler. After asking the question of whether or not we would see the Fonz at the race track, the answer came back in Spanish and sounded excited (or perhaps angry) before the call was disconnected. The BTB regrets that we did not write down the phone number from our random calling. We were willing to get an interpreter to help talk to this celebrity.
Upon hearing that the BTB was preparing this article on famous people attending the Breeders’ Bowl, a phone call could have been received from Kermit the Frog that may have gone something like this: “I just found out that you are looking into celebrities and such that are going to the Breeders’ Bowl. I am hoping you can include my dilemma. I am being discriminated against. I called the race track six months ago to buy tickets. When they found out I was a frog, they said they do not sell tickets to toads and hung up. I had my girl friend call. Miss Piggy tried to get tickets too and was told and they told her they do not sell to porkers. Please include this in your article so light can be shed on the unfairness of tickets sold to muppets”. Ok, Kerimit, you may have just received your wish.
Horse racing is a sport. Individuals competing in sports love to engage in other sports. And the track has attracted several sport figures who may be attending the race track on Bowl Weekend. New York Mets rookie sensation Pete Alonso has set records with his home run production and intends to keep the streak going at the race track. Alonso denied saying “I plan on being at the track for both racing dates. I will not be going to the pre-race party the night before as I hear Sheen will be there. Anyways, I’ll be betting on every race and looking to hit homeruns with many winners. Hell, I’ll even bet the Superperfecta in the Classic and nail me one hell of a Grand Slam!”
Hockey world retiree Wayne Gretzky looks to score a few goals himself. “Oh yea, I will be there” he avoided saying. “You may say I’ll be there with skates and pads on. I can only make it there on Saturday as I have other commitments on Friday but I plan on getting the hat trick while I’m there”. He later explained the hat trick reference he made was the Pick-3.
Serena and Venus Williams have laid down their tennis rackets, acquired flight tickets, and will be flying into the simulated state of California. “We are very competitive” Venus may have said. “Yea, we are” Serena may have replied back. Venus did not continue “We have a bet between the two of us. Whoever picks the most winners will win the bet”. Serena then refused to say “And the loser has to carry all the rackets and luggage to our next tennis match. And it will not be me!”. You may be right Serena, but I’m betting on Venus on this one.
The New England Patriots are scheduled to be in Baltimore on the weekend of the Breeders’ Bowl, but not Tom Brady. While unconfirmed, rumor has it that Brady will not be showing up for practice nor traveling with the team. We suspect he will be sneaking off to California in hopes of hitting paydirt at the race track. He loves to beat up on longshots and we think he’ll play the favorites. These suspicions developed when he was overheard saying “please don’t tell coach Bill Belichick”.
Oddly, there is also rumor about Bill Belichick also sneaking away from the team to head off to California. Unconfirmed rumor has it that Belichick will not be attending practice sessions nor wil he be flying with the team. We suspect he will also fly off to California with hopes of running a late 2-minute mile drill at the track. It is also rumored he will have a pocket full of penalty flags to fling out onto the track if the wrong horse wins, in hopes of getting a 15-yard penalty to take the horse off the board. These suspicions started when he was overheard saying “Please don’t tell quarterback Brady”.
Some athletes were made for racing and Danica Patrick is one of those. She recently hung up the steering wheel and the oddity here is that she may be taking the reins. Danica once said “I hope it goes well. I just really want to end strong. All I can hope is that I’m in contention during the race.” There is absolutely no doubt that when she stated this, she was making a commitment to come to the Breeders’ Bowl and take the mount on one horse, if not more.
Big events attract big name individuals. Rock star concerts, the World Series, the Super Bowl, the Olympics, Award Shows and the list goes on. The famous come out to these big events and I can’t think of a bigger event than the Breeders’ Bowl.
If you haven’t done so already, go out and get your tickets to the big day. You may be seated next to one of the hot-shots that plan to be in attendance. Can you think of any other opportunity where you may be able to rub elbows with simulated celebrities? I can’t. See you at the Bowl!